Thankful for a break from Thanksgiving

25 Nov

25Nov

How was your Thanksgiving? Mine was nice enough....however, I'm always happy when it's over. (Yes, partly it's about the dishes...and dishes...and more dishes.)

But before you judge me as anti-family and ungrateful, consider my case for an occasional alternative to the traditional holiday. Below is my essay published in last year's Chicken Soup for the Soul: Tales of Christmas. I hope you enjoy it!

Giving Thanks For My Alternative Thanksgiving

I suppose you could call me a "Thanksgiving Scrooge.” While I’m a huge believer in the importance of gratitude – and have a daily gratitude practice that I never miss – something about the Thanksgiving holiday itself has never clicked with me.

My first problem: The dishes.

As a mom who held down an extremely demanding job while her children were growing up, I always felt the word “holiday” should imply a break from setting the table, clearing it, running the dishwasher, washing pots, wiping everything down, sweeping up the crumbs. Thanksgiving – let’s be honest – requires A LOT of clean-ups. Even if everyone helps, which everyone in my family does.

My second problem: The food.

Turkey and mashed potatoes are not dishes I would choose on my own, never mind odd Thanksgiving classics like candied yams or cranberry relish. Also, lots of folks in my extended family have food issues. My husband and a dear family friend are both gluten and lactose-free, so pies, stuffing, rolls, and a host of other traditional dishes are troublesome. One son insists mashed potatoes be made with butter and cream – so two versions must be created for the lactose-free crowd (see above comment about lots of dishes). One sister and her husband are vegetarians, and need a separate main course (more dishes). My father can’t have chocolate or nuts. Both sons insist on gravy, but no one wants to make it. Disappointment and guilt ensue.

I hear you saying that we should go out to eat for Thanksgiving. But my father has Alzheimer’s and is hard of hearing, so restaurants are tough for him. I hear you saying that we should order in for our next Thanksgiving dinner. But it’s been challenging to find a place that can accommodate all our complex dietary restrictions

What I don’t hear you saying is: “Order Chinese Food.” But that’s exactly what I did five or six years ago. It was wonderful. We didn’t have the mad rush at the grocery store that week. Thanksgiving Day itself was so relaxing. I think I went for a long walk. We slept late. Maybe we watched some football on TV. There was no endless fussing in the kitchen. It was lovely. When my extended family came over that evening, there were plenty of options for everyone’s dietary needs. Since there was zero cooking and almost no clean-up, we had time to sit around the fire, talk, and play games. Isn’t that really what Thanksgiving is about? Gathering with our loved ones, relaxing, and enjoying each other’s company? I assure you, I was quite thankful. Leading up to the holiday, when friends and co-workers learned of my Chinese-food Thanksgiving plans, many of them (mostly women) said, “Oh! I wish I could do that!”

In subsequent years, we went traditional again – the turkey, pies, etc. I understand I can’t have my way all the time. But then last year, I said to my husband, “Can we please do something different?” He said, “How about Rome?” I found great, cheap flights – Europe doesn’t observe Thanksgiving, of course, and late November is not a heavy time for tourism. Rome wasn’t especially crowded; the weather was still pleasant. I found us an inexpensive place to stay. It was a special treat to be away with our young adult sons, who have their own lives now. It was wonderful to have pasta and pizza on Thanksgiving.

And no dishes.

This year, we’ll probably go back to the traditional Thanksgiving meal – my husband and boys do like the food, despite my own disinterest. And I’ll go happily along with the plan, because I think we’re going to celebrate with my sister-in-law’s family…who lives in Berlin.

I’m so thankful for my alternative Thanksgivings. They make me anticipate – instead of dread – the holiday. If you love the traditional Thanksgiving, right down to the last spoonful of gravy or crumb of apple pie – I say “Godspeed, enjoy, and that’s wonderful.” But if you’re like me: weary of all the planning, shopping, cooking, and cleaning – eager to truly have a “holiday” - I hope this article inspires you to do something different.

You’ll be thankful you did!

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